CORRINNE MAY GREEN-EYED MONSTER
So you say life is unfair
She's got everything you wanted
And you're not even close
To getting where you wish you could be
You want to get the commendation
Love and adulation
But you're stuck here on your knees
Are you happy
Are you happy, green eyed monster
Are you happy, with your place
What's the use of being haunted
Your story, for glory
Is right there in your face
So be glad
You're an architect creation
You're one of a kind
Just stay on track
Because every cross can be a blessing
All the gifts that you've been given
Close your eyes and listen
To who you're meant to be
Are you happy
Are you happy, green eyed monster
Are you happy, with your place
What's the use of being haunted
Your story, for glory
Is right there in your face
Dont feed the monster
Wasting time comparing
Lose yourself despairing
I hear it
Don't ya
Hungry for our fight
Are you happy
Are you happy, green eyed monster
Are you happy, with your place
What's the use of being haunted
Your story, for glory
Is right there in your face
Right there in your face
Right there in your face...
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
U can't unlove someone, U can only set them free...
Someone asked : "How do U unlove someone?"
I answered in my heart : "U can't unlove someone, U can only set them free..." and "setting them free" is no easy feat.
No matter how much a person can love another, if it's only 1 sided, nothing will happen. In a long run, the person giving will get tired... Just like what Pastor Kong shared abt love bank. One person keep depositing while the other keeps withdrawing, soon everything will collaspe.
People can be very selfish when it comes to Love. I can't share my love for U with someone, to be exact, I can't share U with another...and it's not that I even get to share U! I was denied? Shut out? and expected to behave? To Give and Love without condition? While you gives reasons like because he's there for this and for that? As the reasons for your actions?
I'm also a human. I gives my Love and expect to be loved too. I done my best to keep in communication and yet you don't want to, you said that you are at wrong too for not answering... What do you want me to do? To take Ur answers and still keep calling and imagine talking to U? To sms each day and not to expect reply? Like talking to myself?
Since day 1, I don't want to be just a friend, I want to be more than a friend. Coz of this I have to bite the bullet? Let you keep being close to David while you say you still havn't let go of Ur ex Kev, remain getting hurt by Ur pictures as you get hurt when look at their pictures? Let U find the near water to put out Ur fire? While I remain commited coz I wanted to? You just wanna keep everyone until you decide?
I answered in my heart : "U can't unlove someone, U can only set them free..." and "setting them free" is no easy feat.
No matter how much a person can love another, if it's only 1 sided, nothing will happen. In a long run, the person giving will get tired... Just like what Pastor Kong shared abt love bank. One person keep depositing while the other keeps withdrawing, soon everything will collaspe.
People can be very selfish when it comes to Love. I can't share my love for U with someone, to be exact, I can't share U with another...and it's not that I even get to share U! I was denied? Shut out? and expected to behave? To Give and Love without condition? While you gives reasons like because he's there for this and for that? As the reasons for your actions?
I'm also a human. I gives my Love and expect to be loved too. I done my best to keep in communication and yet you don't want to, you said that you are at wrong too for not answering... What do you want me to do? To take Ur answers and still keep calling and imagine talking to U? To sms each day and not to expect reply? Like talking to myself?
Since day 1, I don't want to be just a friend, I want to be more than a friend. Coz of this I have to bite the bullet? Let you keep being close to David while you say you still havn't let go of Ur ex Kev, remain getting hurt by Ur pictures as you get hurt when look at their pictures? Let U find the near water to put out Ur fire? While I remain commited coz I wanted to? You just wanna keep everyone until you decide?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
His strength in my weakness
Karen and Min, thank you for sharing this song with me. I can identify with this song and thanks for the the advice :
"I hv a friend who once said that the best treatment for depression/sadness/any breakup/death in the family would be listen to a very very sad song agn n agn... n cry to your hearts/eyes contents. cry until u cannot cry anymore...Pick yrself up n get ready for another long walk."
His strength in my weakness
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
你沒想像中爱我 by 石欣卉
"I hv a friend who once said that the best treatment for depression/sadness/any breakup/death in the family would be listen to a very very sad song agn n agn... n cry to your hearts/eyes contents. cry until u cannot cry anymore...Pick yrself up n get ready for another long walk."
His strength in my weakness
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
你沒想像中爱我 by 石欣卉
Monday, November 9, 2009
What have I became?
What have I became? Green Eyed monster? Had I given up? All I know is that I need to find myself back. I have sink into the pool of black jealousy, unhappiness and pain. Happy Kevin had disappeared, replaced by a dark and gloomy inner self. For the moment that I was baptised, I thought I've rested my burden. Yet I had sink even deeper with the fear of losing you. Holding on to a false senses of hope which I had given myself, with that renew strength that was given on a wrong cause?
At this point, I can't give anymore with this broken down self. As much as I don't want or wish to, I need to do this. For you and for me. The answer that you are to give never came and time frame was long over due, the time frame I promised had reached and yet when I renewed it, I just don't have the strength to last thru the pain. Like you had said, if I had gone after you long back then, I guess we might not be where we are now in this current moment.
I can say now I finally understand how the other Kev must have felt when he realized that I'm seeing you back then. Had I became someone who I never want to be and God had given the chance to feel it myself? Damn it is a painful process and yet I think the other Kev was lucky coz he doesn’t not have to feel the pain when he sees the pictures I see now. Or maybe the pain that he felt was the same or even more?
I still remember all moments which we had shared, the promises I had made and I do not want these to come to pass. But at this very moment, it all had became to painful to bear and I don't want to wear a mask every time I see you with David, every picture of you and him, him kissing you. Knowing the moments that he gets to spend with you.
I'm disappointed with myself for the way I spoke to you when U asked why I'm smoking again and when you changed that meeting day. For that reason, I've decide that I need to break away as I have thought in Korea. It will not benefit Us anymore, even if you say you will leave David and be with me now. Need to break away to kill that that monster growing in me now. The whole relationship had swing out of the correct balance.
I need to find back myself, my real self that is not this green eyed monster... Who knows what God has in plan for our future, but now I'll trust it in his hands...
At this point, I can't give anymore with this broken down self. As much as I don't want or wish to, I need to do this. For you and for me. The answer that you are to give never came and time frame was long over due, the time frame I promised had reached and yet when I renewed it, I just don't have the strength to last thru the pain. Like you had said, if I had gone after you long back then, I guess we might not be where we are now in this current moment.
I can say now I finally understand how the other Kev must have felt when he realized that I'm seeing you back then. Had I became someone who I never want to be and God had given the chance to feel it myself? Damn it is a painful process and yet I think the other Kev was lucky coz he doesn’t not have to feel the pain when he sees the pictures I see now. Or maybe the pain that he felt was the same or even more?
I still remember all moments which we had shared, the promises I had made and I do not want these to come to pass. But at this very moment, it all had became to painful to bear and I don't want to wear a mask every time I see you with David, every picture of you and him, him kissing you. Knowing the moments that he gets to spend with you.
I'm disappointed with myself for the way I spoke to you when U asked why I'm smoking again and when you changed that meeting day. For that reason, I've decide that I need to break away as I have thought in Korea. It will not benefit Us anymore, even if you say you will leave David and be with me now. Need to break away to kill that that monster growing in me now. The whole relationship had swing out of the correct balance.
I need to find back myself, my real self that is not this green eyed monster... Who knows what God has in plan for our future, but now I'll trust it in his hands...
What I have is not what you want...Tainted Love?
It’s been a while. My Heart and mind have been in a turmoil struggling to stay afloat with the all the jealousy, envy and confusion. Sorrows? Pain? How abt a heart that’s been smashed into bits each and every time and the smasher just simply be nonchalant abt it? Paster back each time n again only to be smashed? God! Am I turning into a monster that I don't even regonize any more? Is this me? Why there's no peace and joy even when I come into Your presence? It's like an unshakeable dark cloud over my life...
3rd parties can always see better than the one involved? Colleagues’s simple sentence says it all: “You love her more than she love you and now it became 1 way, it that simple…”
Back to my old blog sayings where someone says to me: “Bu yao hai ren hai ji…“ “What you have to offer is not what I want, too bad”
07/11/09_Things changes... That couple watch, that overnight jelly making with him, that touching at photo taking, that staying over at his place, the boiling sense of jealousy and pain for 2 mths plus, the crying outs that was brushed aside, that disappointment, that heartache that was ignored, that alcohol...all led to me saying "Forget it" when you say we meet on Tuesday instead of Thursday. For that moments after, it was like an boulder off my heart. Suddenly I can breathe after suffocating for 6 months plus. I don't want to be a spare. If you can't appreciate and love me back, just say it instead of shaking it off and throwing back to me when I ask. I have see all that photos of kissing which you gladly allow, all the staying over which you have, all the stuffs which I have to witness and bear. But when that moment was gone, it all sink in. I had pushed you to him just like that. Bet you'll and did stay over at his place then.
I must say, that guy’s plot works and I fall for it…? Or did I walk into the plot myself? Jealously destroys, create unbalance and pains. I don’t know anything anymore coz at this moment I can’t see the dreams I had with you anymore and my heartache which is constantly there had now became numb… All I can do is to hang on to GOD and put my trust in Him.
“…now abide faith, hope, love… but the greatest of these is Love” 1 Corinthians 13:13
Mine is only a tainted love, may you embrace Love from Him above. God knows what he has in plan for us.
3rd parties can always see better than the one involved? Colleagues’s simple sentence says it all: “You love her more than she love you and now it became 1 way, it that simple…”
Back to my old blog sayings where someone says to me: “Bu yao hai ren hai ji…“ “What you have to offer is not what I want, too bad”
07/11/09_Things changes... That couple watch, that overnight jelly making with him, that touching at photo taking, that staying over at his place, the boiling sense of jealousy and pain for 2 mths plus, the crying outs that was brushed aside, that disappointment, that heartache that was ignored, that alcohol...all led to me saying "Forget it" when you say we meet on Tuesday instead of Thursday. For that moments after, it was like an boulder off my heart. Suddenly I can breathe after suffocating for 6 months plus. I don't want to be a spare. If you can't appreciate and love me back, just say it instead of shaking it off and throwing back to me when I ask. I have see all that photos of kissing which you gladly allow, all the staying over which you have, all the stuffs which I have to witness and bear. But when that moment was gone, it all sink in. I had pushed you to him just like that. Bet you'll and did stay over at his place then.
I must say, that guy’s plot works and I fall for it…? Or did I walk into the plot myself? Jealously destroys, create unbalance and pains. I don’t know anything anymore coz at this moment I can’t see the dreams I had with you anymore and my heartache which is constantly there had now became numb… All I can do is to hang on to GOD and put my trust in Him.
“…now abide faith, hope, love… but the greatest of these is Love” 1 Corinthians 13:13
Mine is only a tainted love, may you embrace Love from Him above. God knows what he has in plan for us.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Getting out of the heat and moving out to cooler place!
I'm spending Mid Autumn festival overseas again. A time where family or lovey dovey couple get together and juz enjoy the nite. I have my Indian butler and my Chivas n ciggies to spend the nite with me. Yes I've started to frag again. India, the one place in company history to make non-smokers become smokers and those who quit, to pick up again. Come to think abt it, I'm quite Blessed to have someone to brought me mooncakes (with a 16hrs train ride) so many yrs back and that same person sms me the 2nd Mid Autumn Greeting I get this yr (Not that I sms others, but at least it's heart warming that 2 person still remember me when they are having their time with friends n family)
Juz when my nerves are torched by the Indians, the daily sauna, with Installation progress getting nowhere and these nasty heat rashes. I'm given a break and being move to a cooler place to cool my head. Yes, I'll lose out on time back home again but I'll just have to Trust and I wait on. A job must do is a job to do. Miss going to HHC and always missed on that once a month H3 gathering.
It ain't easy, but can say I’m doing my best and will continue to discipline myself. Not for the worst but for the better!
4hrs more to pick-up time. Time to get my ass moving. Gonna be another long but much looked forward journey back home.
Juz when my nerves are torched by the Indians, the daily sauna, with Installation progress getting nowhere and these nasty heat rashes. I'm given a break and being move to a cooler place to cool my head. Yes, I'll lose out on time back home again but I'll just have to Trust and I wait on. A job must do is a job to do. Miss going to HHC and always missed on that once a month H3 gathering.
It ain't easy, but can say I’m doing my best and will continue to discipline myself. Not for the worst but for the better!
4hrs more to pick-up time. Time to get my ass moving. Gonna be another long but much looked forward journey back home.
Season for Everything
"To everything there's a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." ~Ecclesiastes 3:1~
In time of difficulties, I pray. In situations that I cannot control, I pray. In areas where I have no answers, I pray. In time of Joy, I give thanks. In times of difficulties, I give thanks. In every situation I cannot control, I give thanks. In areas where I have no answer, I give thanks.
Above all I don't wanna lose sight of U as much as her. I can only pray and wait for my season to come. Meanwhile, make this dash meaningful and a Blessing. I pray and give Thanks. Amen!
To survive the storms of life, be anchored to the Rock of Ages.
Nein Riese Dose Spaziergang Auf Mein Land
"He will be the sure foundation for your times,
a rich store of salavation and wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the lord is the key to this treasure"
~Isaiah 33:6~
In time of difficulties, I pray. In situations that I cannot control, I pray. In areas where I have no answers, I pray. In time of Joy, I give thanks. In times of difficulties, I give thanks. In every situation I cannot control, I give thanks. In areas where I have no answer, I give thanks.
Above all I don't wanna lose sight of U as much as her. I can only pray and wait for my season to come. Meanwhile, make this dash meaningful and a Blessing. I pray and give Thanks. Amen!
To survive the storms of life, be anchored to the Rock of Ages.
Nein Riese Dose Spaziergang Auf Mein Land
"He will be the sure foundation for your times,
a rich store of salavation and wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the lord is the key to this treasure"
~Isaiah 33:6~
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Back dated post for 13th Sep 2009
13th Sep 2009 is the greatest day of my life so far, it’s day of my water baptism. Finally after so long, at the age of 30, after accepting Christ for 16yrs, backsliding and running away from God for the last 9yrs, 2 tattoos on the beloved temple of God (reminds me of Casting Crowns’ song, East 2 West from album The Altar and The Door) I finally move forward and say “ok God, You win. You’re Lord of Lords and King of Kings. You are my God, my Savior, my Father, my closest Friend and You are more than alive and larger than life.” Thank you for making me so alive than ever before.
What are we? A hurt than seek healing, a desert that seek water, a tired soldier who seek rest from battle of life, a limp who seek to walk, a loser who seek to be the victor, a poor who seek to be rich, a broken 3 legged chair that wants to be complete? Why must we be the one in need when river of life can be flowing out of us?
You come to me at my lowest point of life, teaching me to Forgive and Love, to have more of You and less of the world. You make me understand this great Love that’s you had described and demonstrated. What I had gone thru is only pebbles compare to what Christ had gone thru for us and yet He still Love us coz we’re God’s children.
It’s so easy to lost sight of Him when we are so engaged in the world. God is not God of convenience, you have to make the stand and really step forth to make the difference and to lead the life that He wanted us to live. It’s a choice to be a spiritual baby or to grow and develop ourselves in His Words and Guidance. I had enough of being a spiritual baby, now it’s time to really grow. I don’t want be a just a feel good Christian who goes to Church to seek comfort on Sundays and then plunge back to losing all sight of Him during the week.
By His Grace and Blessings and with our Faith, all things are possible! Blessed are those who have the Faith of a Child, the Child of God. I pray for His Grace and Blessings to be upon on us in our journey and refining processes, to achieve His master plan!
What are we? A hurt than seek healing, a desert that seek water, a tired soldier who seek rest from battle of life, a limp who seek to walk, a loser who seek to be the victor, a poor who seek to be rich, a broken 3 legged chair that wants to be complete? Why must we be the one in need when river of life can be flowing out of us?
You come to me at my lowest point of life, teaching me to Forgive and Love, to have more of You and less of the world. You make me understand this great Love that’s you had described and demonstrated. What I had gone thru is only pebbles compare to what Christ had gone thru for us and yet He still Love us coz we’re God’s children.
It’s so easy to lost sight of Him when we are so engaged in the world. God is not God of convenience, you have to make the stand and really step forth to make the difference and to lead the life that He wanted us to live. It’s a choice to be a spiritual baby or to grow and develop ourselves in His Words and Guidance. I had enough of being a spiritual baby, now it’s time to really grow. I don’t want be a just a feel good Christian who goes to Church to seek comfort on Sundays and then plunge back to losing all sight of Him during the week.
By His Grace and Blessings and with our Faith, all things are possible! Blessed are those who have the Faith of a Child, the Child of God. I pray for His Grace and Blessings to be upon on us in our journey and refining processes, to achieve His master plan!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Never Say Never! Dun let me go!
Never Say Never! How true it can be! This song reminds me of someone who once made the claim that certain things are impossible and it's now happening right before my eyes.
Truly a Beautiful and Great song from Fray; with the ability to bring tears if U're not careful! Goes well with a nice cuppa coffee and gloomy weather with U sitting indoor "watching the world goes by" as U drift in and out of day dreaming :) Dun let me go!!!
Truly a Beautiful and Great song from Fray; with the ability to bring tears if U're not careful! Goes well with a nice cuppa coffee and gloomy weather with U sitting indoor "watching the world goes by" as U drift in and out of day dreaming :) Dun let me go!!!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Jesus, Lover of my soul
Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the Rock, and now i know
I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end
This song that had been playing thru my mind since midweek service. After swimming with my own strenght and ways in Life, I have finally came back to Him, just like the Produgal son in Luke 15:11-32. Isn't it wonderful that It's He who holds on to us and not we holding on to Him. Even since coming back to Him, I never see Life in the same light again. Just have to believe and claim it, for that and many others, are the privileges that all sons and daughters have.
I've found my inexhustable battery pack of Life. Have you?
P.S. Dear Friends, I'm not becoming staunch in anyway or turning into an old guard in anyway. I juz simply replaced my kar-putted battery pack.
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the Rock, and now i know
I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end
This song that had been playing thru my mind since midweek service. After swimming with my own strenght and ways in Life, I have finally came back to Him, just like the Produgal son in Luke 15:11-32. Isn't it wonderful that It's He who holds on to us and not we holding on to Him. Even since coming back to Him, I never see Life in the same light again. Just have to believe and claim it, for that and many others, are the privileges that all sons and daughters have.
I've found my inexhustable battery pack of Life. Have you?
P.S. Dear Friends, I'm not becoming staunch in anyway or turning into an old guard in anyway. I juz simply replaced my kar-putted battery pack.
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