CORRINNE MAY GREEN-EYED MONSTER
So you say life is unfair
She's got everything you wanted
And you're not even close
To getting where you wish you could be
You want to get the commendation
Love and adulation
But you're stuck here on your knees
Are you happy
Are you happy, green eyed monster
Are you happy, with your place
What's the use of being haunted
Your story, for glory
Is right there in your face
So be glad
You're an architect creation
You're one of a kind
Just stay on track
Because every cross can be a blessing
All the gifts that you've been given
Close your eyes and listen
To who you're meant to be
Are you happy
Are you happy, green eyed monster
Are you happy, with your place
What's the use of being haunted
Your story, for glory
Is right there in your face
Dont feed the monster
Wasting time comparing
Lose yourself despairing
I hear it
Don't ya
Hungry for our fight
Are you happy
Are you happy, green eyed monster
Are you happy, with your place
What's the use of being haunted
Your story, for glory
Is right there in your face
Right there in your face
Right there in your face...
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
U can't unlove someone, U can only set them free...
Someone asked : "How do U unlove someone?"
I answered in my heart : "U can't unlove someone, U can only set them free..." and "setting them free" is no easy feat.
No matter how much a person can love another, if it's only 1 sided, nothing will happen. In a long run, the person giving will get tired... Just like what Pastor Kong shared abt love bank. One person keep depositing while the other keeps withdrawing, soon everything will collaspe.
People can be very selfish when it comes to Love. I can't share my love for U with someone, to be exact, I can't share U with another...and it's not that I even get to share U! I was denied? Shut out? and expected to behave? To Give and Love without condition? While you gives reasons like because he's there for this and for that? As the reasons for your actions?
I'm also a human. I gives my Love and expect to be loved too. I done my best to keep in communication and yet you don't want to, you said that you are at wrong too for not answering... What do you want me to do? To take Ur answers and still keep calling and imagine talking to U? To sms each day and not to expect reply? Like talking to myself?
Since day 1, I don't want to be just a friend, I want to be more than a friend. Coz of this I have to bite the bullet? Let you keep being close to David while you say you still havn't let go of Ur ex Kev, remain getting hurt by Ur pictures as you get hurt when look at their pictures? Let U find the near water to put out Ur fire? While I remain commited coz I wanted to? You just wanna keep everyone until you decide?
I answered in my heart : "U can't unlove someone, U can only set them free..." and "setting them free" is no easy feat.
No matter how much a person can love another, if it's only 1 sided, nothing will happen. In a long run, the person giving will get tired... Just like what Pastor Kong shared abt love bank. One person keep depositing while the other keeps withdrawing, soon everything will collaspe.
People can be very selfish when it comes to Love. I can't share my love for U with someone, to be exact, I can't share U with another...and it's not that I even get to share U! I was denied? Shut out? and expected to behave? To Give and Love without condition? While you gives reasons like because he's there for this and for that? As the reasons for your actions?
I'm also a human. I gives my Love and expect to be loved too. I done my best to keep in communication and yet you don't want to, you said that you are at wrong too for not answering... What do you want me to do? To take Ur answers and still keep calling and imagine talking to U? To sms each day and not to expect reply? Like talking to myself?
Since day 1, I don't want to be just a friend, I want to be more than a friend. Coz of this I have to bite the bullet? Let you keep being close to David while you say you still havn't let go of Ur ex Kev, remain getting hurt by Ur pictures as you get hurt when look at their pictures? Let U find the near water to put out Ur fire? While I remain commited coz I wanted to? You just wanna keep everyone until you decide?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
His strength in my weakness
Karen and Min, thank you for sharing this song with me. I can identify with this song and thanks for the the advice :
"I hv a friend who once said that the best treatment for depression/sadness/any breakup/death in the family would be listen to a very very sad song agn n agn... n cry to your hearts/eyes contents. cry until u cannot cry anymore...Pick yrself up n get ready for another long walk."
His strength in my weakness
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
你沒想像中爱我 by 石欣卉
"I hv a friend who once said that the best treatment for depression/sadness/any breakup/death in the family would be listen to a very very sad song agn n agn... n cry to your hearts/eyes contents. cry until u cannot cry anymore...Pick yrself up n get ready for another long walk."
His strength in my weakness
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NIV)
你沒想像中爱我 by 石欣卉
Monday, November 9, 2009
What have I became?
What have I became? Green Eyed monster? Had I given up? All I know is that I need to find myself back. I have sink into the pool of black jealousy, unhappiness and pain. Happy Kevin had disappeared, replaced by a dark and gloomy inner self. For the moment that I was baptised, I thought I've rested my burden. Yet I had sink even deeper with the fear of losing you. Holding on to a false senses of hope which I had given myself, with that renew strength that was given on a wrong cause?
At this point, I can't give anymore with this broken down self. As much as I don't want or wish to, I need to do this. For you and for me. The answer that you are to give never came and time frame was long over due, the time frame I promised had reached and yet when I renewed it, I just don't have the strength to last thru the pain. Like you had said, if I had gone after you long back then, I guess we might not be where we are now in this current moment.
I can say now I finally understand how the other Kev must have felt when he realized that I'm seeing you back then. Had I became someone who I never want to be and God had given the chance to feel it myself? Damn it is a painful process and yet I think the other Kev was lucky coz he doesn’t not have to feel the pain when he sees the pictures I see now. Or maybe the pain that he felt was the same or even more?
I still remember all moments which we had shared, the promises I had made and I do not want these to come to pass. But at this very moment, it all had became to painful to bear and I don't want to wear a mask every time I see you with David, every picture of you and him, him kissing you. Knowing the moments that he gets to spend with you.
I'm disappointed with myself for the way I spoke to you when U asked why I'm smoking again and when you changed that meeting day. For that reason, I've decide that I need to break away as I have thought in Korea. It will not benefit Us anymore, even if you say you will leave David and be with me now. Need to break away to kill that that monster growing in me now. The whole relationship had swing out of the correct balance.
I need to find back myself, my real self that is not this green eyed monster... Who knows what God has in plan for our future, but now I'll trust it in his hands...
At this point, I can't give anymore with this broken down self. As much as I don't want or wish to, I need to do this. For you and for me. The answer that you are to give never came and time frame was long over due, the time frame I promised had reached and yet when I renewed it, I just don't have the strength to last thru the pain. Like you had said, if I had gone after you long back then, I guess we might not be where we are now in this current moment.
I can say now I finally understand how the other Kev must have felt when he realized that I'm seeing you back then. Had I became someone who I never want to be and God had given the chance to feel it myself? Damn it is a painful process and yet I think the other Kev was lucky coz he doesn’t not have to feel the pain when he sees the pictures I see now. Or maybe the pain that he felt was the same or even more?
I still remember all moments which we had shared, the promises I had made and I do not want these to come to pass. But at this very moment, it all had became to painful to bear and I don't want to wear a mask every time I see you with David, every picture of you and him, him kissing you. Knowing the moments that he gets to spend with you.
I'm disappointed with myself for the way I spoke to you when U asked why I'm smoking again and when you changed that meeting day. For that reason, I've decide that I need to break away as I have thought in Korea. It will not benefit Us anymore, even if you say you will leave David and be with me now. Need to break away to kill that that monster growing in me now. The whole relationship had swing out of the correct balance.
I need to find back myself, my real self that is not this green eyed monster... Who knows what God has in plan for our future, but now I'll trust it in his hands...
What I have is not what you want...Tainted Love?
It’s been a while. My Heart and mind have been in a turmoil struggling to stay afloat with the all the jealousy, envy and confusion. Sorrows? Pain? How abt a heart that’s been smashed into bits each and every time and the smasher just simply be nonchalant abt it? Paster back each time n again only to be smashed? God! Am I turning into a monster that I don't even regonize any more? Is this me? Why there's no peace and joy even when I come into Your presence? It's like an unshakeable dark cloud over my life...
3rd parties can always see better than the one involved? Colleagues’s simple sentence says it all: “You love her more than she love you and now it became 1 way, it that simple…”
Back to my old blog sayings where someone says to me: “Bu yao hai ren hai ji…“ “What you have to offer is not what I want, too bad”
07/11/09_Things changes... That couple watch, that overnight jelly making with him, that touching at photo taking, that staying over at his place, the boiling sense of jealousy and pain for 2 mths plus, the crying outs that was brushed aside, that disappointment, that heartache that was ignored, that alcohol...all led to me saying "Forget it" when you say we meet on Tuesday instead of Thursday. For that moments after, it was like an boulder off my heart. Suddenly I can breathe after suffocating for 6 months plus. I don't want to be a spare. If you can't appreciate and love me back, just say it instead of shaking it off and throwing back to me when I ask. I have see all that photos of kissing which you gladly allow, all the staying over which you have, all the stuffs which I have to witness and bear. But when that moment was gone, it all sink in. I had pushed you to him just like that. Bet you'll and did stay over at his place then.
I must say, that guy’s plot works and I fall for it…? Or did I walk into the plot myself? Jealously destroys, create unbalance and pains. I don’t know anything anymore coz at this moment I can’t see the dreams I had with you anymore and my heartache which is constantly there had now became numb… All I can do is to hang on to GOD and put my trust in Him.
“…now abide faith, hope, love… but the greatest of these is Love” 1 Corinthians 13:13
Mine is only a tainted love, may you embrace Love from Him above. God knows what he has in plan for us.
3rd parties can always see better than the one involved? Colleagues’s simple sentence says it all: “You love her more than she love you and now it became 1 way, it that simple…”
Back to my old blog sayings where someone says to me: “Bu yao hai ren hai ji…“ “What you have to offer is not what I want, too bad”
07/11/09_Things changes... That couple watch, that overnight jelly making with him, that touching at photo taking, that staying over at his place, the boiling sense of jealousy and pain for 2 mths plus, the crying outs that was brushed aside, that disappointment, that heartache that was ignored, that alcohol...all led to me saying "Forget it" when you say we meet on Tuesday instead of Thursday. For that moments after, it was like an boulder off my heart. Suddenly I can breathe after suffocating for 6 months plus. I don't want to be a spare. If you can't appreciate and love me back, just say it instead of shaking it off and throwing back to me when I ask. I have see all that photos of kissing which you gladly allow, all the staying over which you have, all the stuffs which I have to witness and bear. But when that moment was gone, it all sink in. I had pushed you to him just like that. Bet you'll and did stay over at his place then.
I must say, that guy’s plot works and I fall for it…? Or did I walk into the plot myself? Jealously destroys, create unbalance and pains. I don’t know anything anymore coz at this moment I can’t see the dreams I had with you anymore and my heartache which is constantly there had now became numb… All I can do is to hang on to GOD and put my trust in Him.
“…now abide faith, hope, love… but the greatest of these is Love” 1 Corinthians 13:13
Mine is only a tainted love, may you embrace Love from Him above. God knows what he has in plan for us.
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