It’s been a while. My Heart and mind have been in a turmoil struggling to stay afloat with the all the jealousy, envy and confusion. Sorrows? Pain? How abt a heart that’s been smashed into bits each and every time and the smasher just simply be nonchalant abt it? Paster back each time n again only to be smashed? God! Am I turning into a monster that I don't even regonize any more? Is this me? Why there's no peace and joy even when I come into Your presence? It's like an unshakeable dark cloud over my life...
3rd parties can always see better than the one involved? Colleagues’s simple sentence says it all: “You love her more than she love you and now it became 1 way, it that simple…”
Back to my old blog sayings where someone says to me: “Bu yao hai ren hai ji…“ “What you have to offer is not what I want, too bad”
07/11/09_Things changes... That couple watch, that overnight jelly making with him, that touching at photo taking, that staying over at his place, the boiling sense of jealousy and pain for 2 mths plus, the crying outs that was brushed aside, that disappointment, that heartache that was ignored, that alcohol...all led to me saying "Forget it" when you say we meet on Tuesday instead of Thursday. For that moments after, it was like an boulder off my heart. Suddenly I can breathe after suffocating for 6 months plus. I don't want to be a spare. If you can't appreciate and love me back, just say it instead of shaking it off and throwing back to me when I ask. I have see all that photos of kissing which you gladly allow, all the staying over which you have, all the stuffs which I have to witness and bear. But when that moment was gone, it all sink in. I had pushed you to him just like that. Bet you'll and did stay over at his place then.
I must say, that guy’s plot works and I fall for it…? Or did I walk into the plot myself? Jealously destroys, create unbalance and pains. I don’t know anything anymore coz at this moment I can’t see the dreams I had with you anymore and my heartache which is constantly there had now became numb… All I can do is to hang on to GOD and put my trust in Him.
“…now abide faith, hope, love… but the greatest of these is Love” 1 Corinthians 13:13
Mine is only a tainted love, may you embrace Love from Him above. God knows what he has in plan for us.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment